After being locked in my room (not literally) due to a, what I call, "old man cough" I decided to venture out to the real world and take a trip to IKEA.
The last time I was in a Swedish IKEA was the first week I was here. I was with 2 other people and my experience was fine and calming, we cooperated with the store and just followed the arrows until we got what we needed.
So this trip, I thought, would be a no brainer.
Stepping off the city bus in front of IKEA at 1:30PM, I had my shopping list in mind, I even thought I would treat myself to some Swedish meatballs.
If you're wondering, that red stuff next to the meatballs is lingonberry sauce, which they always put on meatballs.
It was delicious.
After a filling lunch it was time to shop,
My shopping list
A big mug-for the upcoming cold nights
Cupcake tin- because the holidays are coming I need to start baking
Spatula
Mixing Bowls
Measuring Cups
My budget: 100 SEK
The list was simple, finding the stuff...not so much.
The mug was easy to find, spatula-simple, mixing bowls-fine, measuring cups-different metric system (i'll figure it out)-check
Cupcake tins.....??? I'm pretty sure I spent about 30 minutes in front of the baking section looking for cupcake tins.
Apparently, in my eyes it was impossible to find a cupcake tin.
There was one but they made mini-tall cupcakes and that just wasn't my thing. I wanted the big US cupcake tins that I was used to, but I guess that's just an American thing. So I just gave up and settled on what looked like a loaf pan and settled on making a pumpkin loaf cake from a pumpkin mix my mother sent me.
I was done and needed nothing else so it was time to leave.
Then it happened. I was trapped and had no idea where to go. I did what I was supposed to do and followed the arrows, but then I found myself going the opposite way.
I didn't want to go the opposite way, I wanted to get out. So I turned back and went in the opposite of the arrows; I got some looks from some IKEA shoppers.
What the hell was I doing going the OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF THE ARROWS? Do I not SEE THE ARROWS?
There was no time for people judging me, I needed to get out.
I had to read the IKEA map twice, in two different places in order to find my way out.
I started to panic, when will I ever get out? WILL I ever get out? Will I get trapped here?
But then I remembered to breathe, I took two deep breaths and thought to myself, if I ever get trapped here, it's ok, they have Swedish meatballs and comfy, stylish, too good looking for my room beds that I can sleep on.
It's going to be ok.
Eventually I found a path that lead me out, but what was more problematic was going through the path. With the holidays coming up and with IKEA being IKEA, it was like I was in another trap. There were so many cute, modern, holiday looking things that I wanted to buy. I couldn't handle myself. I had to buy everything.
And then I realized something, IKEA is on to me. They wanted me to get lost so I can buy their products.
I'm serious. I walked by a small aisle of clocks and thought to myself "Oh my god those clocks are beautiful I should get one...."
I DON'T EVEN USE A FRICKIN CLOCK!
And then I saw some fake flowers for 5 SEK and thought to myself "Well, it's like getting dark now so some flowers should brighten up my room. And I mean if people ask, I could say that a really nice Swedish boy got them for me, but really I just bought them myself....no one has to know" I could say that I met some really hot Swedish astronaut Gustaf, I mean there ARE Swedish astronauts here...right?"
They would know....
I dropped the flowers.
And then I saw scented candles for 12 SEK and smelled one that smelled like vanilla.
I bought it.
I have no regrets.
My room smells like Christmas and yours doesn't.
Eventually I got out (Praise the Lord Jesus!) and paid for my purchases:
my total budget: 98 SEK (under budget..WIN!- also I could have totally boughten those flowers, I mean people would believe that astronaut story...)
When I left IKEA, it was dark.
"Jesus Christ how long was I in IKEA?"
It was 3:30PM and I had only been in IKEA for 2 hours. That's right, the famous Swedish darkness is coming. What feels like 7PM dinnertime is actually 3:30 PM snack time, either way, I'm eating, it's just weird.
There you have it, my adventure of getting lost in IKEA.
I'm still a little traumatized, so if you see me and I seem startled, it's because I'm still coping, just pat me on the shoulder, tell me that I'm ok and then we can go out for waffles.
I think I'm going to be ok.
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