ventation

It's been awhile but it's been an adventure.
Non stop running around from building to building in the small college that is Sonoma and numerous amounts of paperwork that never seems to end. Finals are creeping around the corner and the summer sun is such a tease. My motivation is decreasing and my stress level is increasing.
The thought of just being gone in a completely different country for 8 months sets me into a frenzy and I start to panic. I barely know anyone that is going abroad with me and so I'm on my own for a while.
Sometimes I think to myself, is this all worth it? Is living by myself for 8 months in the dark, cold Swedish country going to help me make me a better person? Is not being able to go home any time I want going to affect my interaction with people and make me less inclined to interact with the culture?
What will happen if I don't have any money?
I can never seem to push those questions away even when I look at the countdown on my phone or stare at pictures of Uppsala.
But it was on Tuesday that I got a full reminder of why I chose this.
It wasn't appealing when I saw it posted that I would have to sit for 4 1/2 hours listening to logistics and heavy topics with some cheese and crackers and cookies in my stomach. The only thing I was looking forward to was to meet someone who was going to Sweden as well and I did and much more.
It was a panel of alumni that had studied abroad the previous year and spoke about their expierences and the way to go through this chaotic paperwork. And along with the alumni were international students to speak of their host country and surprisingly in that group were 2 girls from Sweden. Funny enough they were the stereotypical blonde hair, blue eyed girls that we pretty much expect from Sweden. And it was those two Swedish girls that helped me open my eyes as to why I'm doing this.
The places that they told me, the things that happen and the environment of it all, the food, it was all clear why I wanted this.
Sometimes goals and dreams seem so far away because we tend to push ourselves back from it. We doubt ourselves, question and have multiple panic attacks because that goal is so surreal and so big that we feel we can't grasp it. We set small goals because we know they cause less stress and trouble and we live our life setting small goals for ourselves. But its the biggest goals that make us who we are and its the biggest goals that set us apart from the rest of the world and its the biggest goals that terrify us everyday.
This whole journey is so surreal and so ginormous that thats why I'm so terrified of it all. Nothing this big has come to me nor anyone I know and I'm brave-crazy enough to do it. These next 3 months are going to test me and question me everyday, but I know that through all of this paperwork, panic attacks,  life hitting moments, this whole trip will be worth it. Life will be worth it. And when I look back on my life, its not the small goals that I made for myself that I'll be proud, it's the biggest goals that I will look back and smile and say "Damn....I did it."


Food o' the day: Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, Swiss Cheese, Avocado and Chicken Sandwich

Song o' the day: "Let Her Go" -Passenger

this is a post about nothing

Literally.
I did nothing this weekend. Nada. Niche. Ingenting.
Why?
Because when I do, I scream, cry, panic, get emotional, get excited and get frustrated all at once.
I didn't know that was possible.
Still currently on this Residence Permit page, still trying to figure out classes and still crossing off things off my checklist. It's like this process is never ending and will never end until I'm back at school my senior year when I'm not in Sweden.
Since when did this have to be so complicated? Like, seriously?
Just take me there right now. Like right now. Let's just pull a Back To The Future and hop on my DeLorean and go there.
I'm not kidding.
Someone told me that the time from when I got accepted to the time I will go will go by fast and the time that I get to Sweden and the time that I leave will go fast.
Well right now, I don't believe them.
(this is the part I was talking about when I would swear, Mother I warned you)
Life is like a fucking snail. Big, slow, mother fucking snail. (and coincidentally there are about 5 slowly moving in front of my apartment complex, a sign? I think not)
The snail needs to get some steroids or speed or some drug shit and get moving so I can be in Sweden.
K?

But on the other hand, I was productive in that I baked sweets. So enjoy

Chocolate Chip Coffee Muffin with Funfetti Frosting

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake with Funfetti Frosting

As you can see I went on a Funfetti Frosting hype, but I mean it's Funfetti Frosting. How can you not go on a frosting hype and eat a quarter of a container on a Sunday night at midnight while watching Project Runway and feeling cavities creep up on your teeth?

(Like I didn't do that or anything..................)

Also dis is mah new jam, you should really listen up: Tightrope-Walk The Moon

pulling my hair out

I have had barely any class this week and I love it, but it's almost been a sign from the universe to get a head start on my 50 page packet for Sweden and so I listened to the universe.
I now hate/love that I did that.
That packet included a Residence Permit that is taking over my life.
A 30-40 minute packet including sending important documents to an embassy in D.C.
This was my reaction when I read the directions;
"Whaaaaa????"
Panic attack mode struck in and thoughts started to race.
I totally did not sign up for this.
It got to the point where I used Facebook as a personal diary and expressed my anger and then asked  begged for help via a status. In which then I got responses from people who knew people who had gone to Sweden, and then my roommate came and calmed me down and later paid for my chocolate milk and chocolate chip cookie and then the world became a better place.
To sum it all up, I'm still stressing out about this Residence Permit, the paperwork never seems to stop, and I'm pretty sure at one point my hair will start to recede as this goes by.
I'll probably have more posts like this where I'll complain about paperwork, but then again thats the process I have to do to get to Ikea Motherland. So to say it now, this isn't and won't be the first time freaking out about this paperwork. Heads up world, there comes more.

Food: Cookie in a Mug with Matcha Green Tea Gelato

Song: Come Sail Away- Styx

fayyy-mos

Guys, I'm famous
Well not really. Well kind of. Well college famous really.
Here's the story:
A recent new friend interviewed me for what I thought was going to be a project for her class.
What it really turned out to be was an article on the school's main website.
Yup I'm on the official Internet (Facebook doesn't count).
Name, grade, major and literal reaction to this surreal news. With over 30 likes on Instagram and Facebook, I felt so popular and famous.

funny thing is, I really did do all of that. It's no exaggeration. I did cry in excitement, I did scream into the phone, I did call my family and I was on Cloud 9 the whole week. 

I'm famous ya'll, you can stop by my apartment and get yo' autographs 

(but for realz doe)

Food (again not pictured-I fail at this)- In n Out with my sister

Song: Shake It Out- Florence & The Machine

problem country

I did my first task of paperwork today for Sweden and it was stressful. Not going to lie.
I had to do this mini-application thing that required me to list all of my classes that I was going to take for my major. It took an hour an a half and it was tedious.
Course numbers, number of weeks I was going to take it, department, name of class and units and all have to be under 30 units.
My brain hurt. Like really bad.
And on top of that I had to get passport photos. It was awkward. Like really awkward.
I went to Costco, used a friend's Costco card and bought 8 photos. That part wasn't awkward.
What was awkward was taking the picture.
Literally the conversation went like this:
Lady: Ok, now smile without showing any teeth!
Me: wait what?
Lady: you can't show any teeth
Me: uh.......yeah ok sure
::smiles with no teeth::
I didn't know you couldn't smile with teeth while taking passport photos, like I grew up with showing teeth in passport photos, why now? Why no teeth? I don't like this. I hate change.
Anywho, passport photos were set and done and I got over the whole no-showing-teeth-in-picture change and ended up eating lunch off of Costco samples.
I turned the paperwork in, on time like a good student and planning on going home this weekend in which I will officially announce verbally to my whole family that I will be venturing off to Sweden in 4 months. Questions will be answered and butterflies will reproduce in my stomach.


Also, sidenote and completely off topic, but I found an iPod in my radio studio today and was a good Samaritan and asked in class who's it was but no one responded. Still being a good Samaritan I'm keeping it until its rightful owner has it back. In which I have charged it, stalked its music and am currently listening to all of the songs right now.
Big Phone C: whoever you are, you have wonderful taste in music and the fact that you have all the Beatles songs plus each individual Beatles artist's albums makes me want to make you waffles and coffee and get to know you.
If you are single, please call me.

Song of the day: You & Me- Dave Matthews Band
#foodporn: once again Ritz Crackers and Costco Guacamole. BUT!!!!! bonus surprise!!!!
I bought fro-yo after my class and it was delicious.
Oatmeal Cookie and Wild Berry Tart plus Reese's equals ERMAHGERWD SER GEWRD.

the process

Hi.
That's an awkward start to a blog, but then again, I can be an awkward person so I guess it's suitable.

Many people have given me this suggestion since the moment I started my study abroad journey. At first I was like, "eh? but can't you just look at my Facebook/Twitter and find out what I'm doing there?"
But then I thought about it and was like, "welp, pictures give a visual aid to everybody but nobody knows the story behind in minus myself and future people."
So I created this for anyone and everyone that is interested in my journey to said above "Ikea Motherland" or correctly stated, Sweden.
Yup, I'm going to Sweden in about 4 months and I could not be more excited/nervous/terrified/anxious/and other synonyms.
The thought of it is so surreal and there are times where I have no idea how I'm going to do this or if it is actually happening, but it is. It's so close and it can creep up on my like a stalker or fast forward rapidly like commercials, skip through all the unnecessary stuff to get to the reality show.
The process is long and stressful but the end result will be worthwhile, I hope....I know....I think.

Fair Warning: there will be times where I will be so crazy in that this will be used as a venting mechanism so if I start to throw out curse words (sorry Mom) and start TALKING IN CAPS BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SCREAM VIA INTERNET, just be cautious. You are welcome to join me in my stress and in my screaming  if on that day you are stressed out...(so like we can be best stressed friends? ya feel?) But I mean if you had 4 months left in 'Murica and had a 50 page packet plus worried that your piggy bank will starve, you would be feeling the same way.

To also help cope through this stress I have two ways: food and music, so along with the sailor talk, screaming letters and detailed process, food porn pictures will be provided, with what I have eaten that day, so people know I'm not living off of Top Ramen and grilled cheese every day, and  along with songs to jam too (preferably songs that I have listened to that day).

So that's all I got to say, I will do my best to post whatever comes about and all my checklist stuff so you Internet people will see what I'm going through and remind me consistently about the tasks I have to do (so it's like having multiple mothers telling me the same thing over and over again).

So peace, love and Trevlig läsning. 

Food (not pictured): Ritz Crackers & Costco Guacamole
Song: Smallville Theme Song "Save Me" (<--perfect? right?)