But not mentally back.
The only way to describe this past week/ month is running around like chicken with its head cut off.
I'm not kidding.
My body loves me for the exercise for the amount of stair climbing, walking, power walking, and running I have done but my flats and feet hate me.
Who knew that in a small campus that is Sonoma, the campus would feel so big and so long?
I had one week. 10 pages of paperwork, classes to approve for GE and Major all before Friday at 12.
CHALLENGE WAS ACCEPTED.
Well kind of. I did take a day off at one point and didn't leave my apartment until 3 in the afternoon. ( It was needed.)
Aaaaannnnndddd eventually it was finished. On Friday. At 11 AM. In my outfit that I like to call "lack of sleep and no coffee in my bloodstream"
Weirdly enough, as I turned in that whole packet and walked away, some part of me didn't feel complete. I just sacrificed, sleep, healthy food and my sanity for this packet and yet, I wasn't fully done.
I still had tasks to cross off my bucket list, until my departure and even then, I'm not sure if I will feel complete.
It took my walk for coffee for me to realize when I'll actually feel complete.
The time I buy my plane ticket.
It seems weird and un-monumental but when you really think about it, it's like a big deal.
Recently, I had seen my roommate and my good friend book flights for Ireland for a year, and just watching them alone was thrilling. My roommate (who for a picture imaginative mind, is like a 5 year old) held her hand over the mouse, shaking as she pressed "book flight" on Expedia. Hesitation and nerves rushed in and for a simple 2 second task, it was a 2 minute task. My friend on the other hand, took pictures and stood there pressuring her to push the button. And as that finger pushed down on that mouse and clicked those nerves of excitement filled the room and goosebumps rose all over my body. I was screaming for my roommate and I'm not even going to Ireland.
It was just the fact of having the reality of leaving the country in such short time for such a long time.
The idea of leaving for 8 months doesn't hit me but there are little moments in my day that remind me that I won't see this in the upcoming year. It's bittersweet if you ask me.
I distinctly remember one day over Christmas vacation. It was the day after Christmas and I had awoken. As I woke up and got out of the bed, one immediate thought popped up.
"You're not going to be here next Christmas".
I wasn't even fully accepted and yet my mind was telling me something and it was right.
Christmas in Sweden will be forever beautiful and memorable but with a little dose of sadness just for the fact that I will have the absence of my family.
But then I was reminded of a positive factor.
This past Saturday I rushed off to San Francisco State University for a 5 hour orientation on "How to Study Abroad" (that wasn't really the actual title, I just decided to name that myself because it was better and cooler that way). And it was there that I learned that through all those hard hitting moments, it will all be way better than expected. I was told by an alumni that "once you're there, you'll hardly miss home, when you get back, you will miss Sweden 10 times more."
This little reminder and the passion from this alumni that reminded me why I was doing this, why I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, why I was going crazy and losing sleep and why this was all worth it.
The thought of it is scary and will be until I get there. It's just waiting for it scares me the most.
My paperwork is done and all that is left is to book my flight, get my VISA and figure out what to pack in my suitcase (that will be another long post).
So i'm sorry for the long, weird, chaotic post but like I said this blog is a venting mechanism. I promise there will be exciting posts to come....I swear.
Food: It was Taco Tuesday...so obviously I ate tacos
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